Australian attempts to sing traditional Christmas carols create wonderful cognitive dissonance. Singing about snow and winter wonderlands whilst sweltering in summer heat feels absurd, yet we persist. Some communities have attempted to write Australian Christmas carols mentioning gum trees and kangaroos, but these never quite catch on, probably because they are objectively terrible.

School Christmas concerts across Australia feature children dressed as snowmen melting under stage lights, singing about sleigh rides they will never experience and white Christmases that will never happen. Parents sweat in crowded halls, filming performances on phones while wondering if air conditioning was considered when booking the venue.

The six white boomers song, which reimagines Santa's reindeer as kangaroos, represents Australia's most successful attempt at a local Christmas carol. It is terrible. Everyone knows it is terrible. Yet it gets played every year, and people genuinely enjoy it, proving that patriotism can overcome artistic merit.

Community carols by candlelight events happen across the country, bringing thousands of people together to sing in parks and showgrounds. The candlelight aspect becomes problematic when it is still daylight at 8pm due to summer evenings, turning it into carols by unnecessary candles. Total fire bans occasionally force the cancellation of the candles entirely, creating the less romantic carols without candles event.

Amateur performers at these events range from genuinely talented to enthusiastically terrible. Every community seems to have someone who believes they have a beautiful singing voice but objectively does not, yet who volunteers to perform solo pieces year after year. The polite applause that follows these performances is peak Australian social behaviour.

As another Australian Christmas approaches, these quirky traditions continue, each one adding to the gloriously bizarre way this nation celebrates a European winter festival in the middle of summer. From prawns to pavlovas, pool parties to pageants, Australian Christmas remains wonderfully, uniquely chaotic.